Was the weather (3 degrees) too cold? Was the pre-blast too intense? We’ll never know why only 4 PAX showed at #AO-Tarpit for the promised 5:30am Saturday Inferno, but alas – only Gummi Bear, Tortuga, Shiplap and Katniss (Q) were brave enough.
YHC began the beatdown with a prologue – an introduction to this Q which was inspired by a college Lit course on Epics (aka really long books that follow the “Hero’s Journey” story arc). This morning we’d be sampling the first book in the Divine Comedy: Dante’s Inferno. In Inferno, Dante and poet Virgil take a guided tour through the 9 layers of H-E-double hockey sticks. Q promised that, true to the text, each layer of our guided beatdown would be progressively more punishing. Starting positions…move:
Ring 1: Limbo.
Here are those not vile enough for the lower levels of the inferno. These souls wander aimlessly alone in the caves of limbo.
25 Wandering goofballs IC (move counter clockwise in rotating circle while doing goofballs)
John Cusack w/ Coupons to base of tarpit steps
Here the lustful are thrown in a violent circle by a windstorm without rest.
Exercise: Three sprints up the steps, run back down the slope. You must bearcrawl in between.
The gluttons wallow in a freezing, putrid slush by themselves.
Exercise: 75 Big Boy Situps in the snow
The wasteful and hoarders spend eternity pushing heavy weights at one another.
Exercise: Partner up. Stand equidistant apart. 10 blockbeees, 5 lunges until one of you meets the center first. The loser must farmer carry his opponents block back to his start for him. Did three rounds subbing blockbees with thrusters and Hodors.
The wrathful fight each other on the river sticks for eternity
Exercise: Partner up and stand on opposite sides of the heated incline driveway. Bear crawl race your partner up the hill. The first to complete 75 hand release merkins at the top wins.
The Heretics are trapped in flaming tombs.
Exercise: 100 coupon press, 50 flutters, then we drop down to the 7th circle.
*Jon Cusack back down* Leaving 3 stations with coupons
There are many layers here – but a particularly troubling layer involves war-makers and plunderers who wallow in boiling blood. Should any of them crawl high enough out of the blood, they’re shot back down with arrows.
Exercise: Suicides up the heated incline driveway. 3 stations. Burpees at bottom until your turn, burpees at top until all finish.
Fraudsters are thrown into a pit of darkness where they’re endlessly abused.
Exercise: Drill instructors
Standing (“On your feet!”),
Holding 6″ (“On your six!”),
High plank (“On your face!”)
Escape the inferno. Emerge on the other side of earth to a starry night.
Exercise: Jon Cusack from the top landing back down to the parking lot. If you must stop to rest, you owe 5 Blockbees before you may begin again.
Prayers for Gummi’s former co-worker Deedee who’s been shouldering the burden of sick husband and son. Lift up all of our PAX who are out with injuries. Praise for the motivation and excellence F3 brings to other non-fitness parts of our lives.
Stay tuned for more Epic-themed workouts from YHC! This was only the beginning.