Date: 2026-03-16
AO: Tar Pit
Q: Big Mac ,
PAX: Panhandle, Tortuga, Portage, Jolly, Big Mac, Too Big To Fail (TBTF), T-bone, Chuck FNGs: 1 Chuck
COUNT: 8
WARM-O-RAMA
Play the Jolly Theme Song. SSH, every time it says “Jolly” everyone do a burpee
[Verse 1]
Former F3 nantan
Who’s that man with the game plan?
Found a million bucks in cash
Hidden in a dead man’s stash
Actually an actuary
Spreadsheet king, stats get scary
Glows in the dark? He’s got it
Need some pinnies? He bought it
[Chorus]
It’s Jolly
Laugh when the plan gets gnarly
Jolly
Knocks you down when you get cocky
Jolly
Even in the rain when it’s foggy
Hardly
Ever off duty
Always on call
Yeah
It’s Jolly (hey!)
[Verse 2]
Gloves and F3 gear
Hail Mary disc, Shiplap steers
Knows your pace on Strava track
Calls you out on Slack
Diet Coke and spreadsheets
Electric car, still brings heat
FBI is on his stop
Do we even know his pop?
[Chorus]
It’s Jolly
Laugh when the plan gets gnarly
Jolly
Knocks down when you get cocky
Jolly
Even in the rain when it’s foggy
Hardly
Ever off duty
Always on call
Yeah
It’s Jolly (hey!)
[Bridge]
Who’s first parked in the parking lot? (who?)
Who still shouts when the legs feel shot? (who?)
Who keeps count when the count gets lost?
Jolly
Jolly
Jolly
Jolly
[Chorus]
It’s Jolly
Laugh when the plan gets gnarly
Jolly
Knocks down when you get cocky
Jolly
Even in the rain when it’s foggy
Hardly
Ever off duty
Always on call
Yeah
It’s Jolly (hey!)
THANG 1: “THE ACTUARIAL TABLE” (12 min)
“Jolly was assigned the task of calculating the risk associated with AI datacenters. But even at this early stage he knew they were watching. Instead of calculating on the computer, he ran the numbers with humans…only. Tabata-style — 40 seconds work / 20 seconds rest. Run through the table twice. Round
Exercise
1 Curls
2 Blockees
3 Coupon Squats
4 Overhead Press
5 Bent Over Rows
6 Skull Crushers
THANG 2:
Early calculations show the risk is potentially existential. Jolly knows he has to dial in, and he can’t let the AI know what he’s working on. EMOM (Every Minute On the Minute) — 10 rounds. Alternate between: – Odd minutes: 10 Coupon Merkins + 5 Thrusters (+1 per odd round) – Even minutes: 10 Goblet Squats + 5 WWIII situps (+1 per even round)
THANG 3: The Jolly Protocol
The numbers are clear, the risk is existential, Jolly knows it’s up to him to solve the problem. 4 Corners At each corner, do the exercise
· Corner 1: 15 Coupon Swings
– Corner 2: 15 Lunges (2 is one)
– Corner 3: 15 Derkins
– Corner 4: 15 LBCs
AMRAP — Play Jolly Theme song and F3 Wheaton Theme Song
Jolly writes the contract, even a small existential risk is sufficient. Infinity times anything is still infinity. The insurance contract is prohibitively expensive for Anthropic, Open AI, Microsoft, Google. All the major players are no longer able to insure their data-centers. Over time they decay and AI becomes a memory. In the end, it wasn’t the might of the military, the intelligence of the academy, nor the power of the elite. It was the one inexorable force that stems the tide of all progress. Bureaucracy. But this time, it came in the form of a suburban man who does F3. This time it saved our lives.
Mary to cool down
Moleskine
I went to a funeral this weekend. Before going, I felt busy and wasn’t sure how to fit it in. It was scheduled for 1 hour. It ended up lasting two hours. It also ended up being the part of the week I was most thankful for. We’re all going to die. It’s good to reflect on what we’re living for. What better way to put all the business into perspective.
COT:
Panhandle’s Pup
Cookie’s M
Tags: Tar Pit, Panhandle, Tortuga, Portage, Jolly, Big Mac, Too Big To Fail (TBTF), T-bone, Chuck
F3 Wheaton 