Date: 2026-09-12
AO: Mastodon
Q: Treebeard ,
PAX: The wet burrito, Cheap Shot, Jailbreak, Endo, Noodles, Samsonite, Treebeard, Bloomer, Doogie, Lambeau FNGs: 1 Lambeau
COUNT: 10
Conditions: Odysseus and his crew have been chilling at Circe’s for the last year. Luckily, Circe in Homer has been much nicer to the PAX than say Circe’s Nolan’s version. She still turned the crew into pigs during the last beatdown but she let the boys recover for a whole year.
WOR: Odysseus mustered the troops from their reveling and 1 year hiatus. To get back in soldier mode, they performed some usual warm-ups: ssh, tappy-taps, abe vigoda, hip openers, calf stretches, shoulder taps, and imperial walkers.
The Thang: Odysseus discerned that the troops still were not in adequate shape after warm-ups. Reveling and lounging for a year had made the troops weak. So they performed some various warm-ups on the tennis courts to loosen up those legs.
Upon returning to home base, things turned for the worse. Our dear Elpenor fell off the roof when he tried to transition from his party days to being a soldier again. Elpenor means “hope” ironically in Homer…but the PAX really knew that it represented Stock boy and Mr Roboto and Falsetto. Our very own Elpenors all had their usual excuses: injury, family, and coaching. The good news is that they told Odysseus that they love blockies and would love for the crew to do some blockies in honor of their absence.
After a good blockie session, the PAX divided into pairs. One man would farmer carry while the other would perform 10 merkins and chase down their partner. The PAX performed this multiple times between the following stations:
Station 1: Rowing to the Underworld — alternated between Asian squat and bar hang.
Station 2: Shedding Blood — to enter the underworld, sacrifices must be made. The ghosts need blood to drink. Unfortunately, the men forgot to bring cattle, sheep, or another large livestock to slaughter and offer to the ghosts. The Pax settled on murder bunnies. Some pax were further disappointed when murder bunnies were completed again because the bunnies just were not making enough blood for the ghosts. We really needed Dumpster to bring various animals found on his dumpster diving adventures and the ghosts would have been appeased much quicker.
Station 3: Elpenor Again — the first ghost the crew meets is Elpenor. To converse with our fallen comrade, some coupon presses, situps, table lifts, and a few laps were completed to help chat with Elpenor. Luckily, Elpenor said the crew didn’t need to do blockies.
Station 4: Hoffa and Meeting Mommy — The PAX saw the mom of Odysseus at the top of Hoffa. 3 times the PAX ran to the top and attempted to embrace the ghost of ma. Each time the men failed to embrace mom. And each time they had to pay a fee to try and embrace mom. First fee was Merkins; second fee was Big Boys, and third fee (upon Elpenor’s advice) was blockies. Sadly, the blockies did not work and no one could embrace the ghost of Odysseus’ mom. Weeping commenced but Odysseus ordered the men to keep moving and cheer themselves by meeting the greatest greeks that are dead.
Station 5: The Pax arrived at a nearby dock and looked out over the water as the ghosts of the greatest greeks drifted by. Agamemnon stopped by and pridefully demanded the PAX bend the knee. Despite the arrogance of Agamemnon, the PAX complied with some bonnie blaires. Next came Achilles and the PAX responded with some more natural bending of the knee to honor the great Greek hero. Each PAX took the position of a deep Asian squat and listened to the words of Achilles. Much to the surprise of the PAX, Achilles contradicted everything of The Iliad and how fame/glory (kleos) is the only thing to live for; instead, Achilles admitted he would rather labor away in the fields back home and live a simple but meaningful domestic life. Achilles at this point turned to the PAX and said “it’s time to get home”. The troops filed out with their partner and headed back to the starting point of the workout.
Odysseus forgot an important station of conversing with Tiresias. But no one was concerned because the blind prophet just tells the crew not to touch the Cattle of the Sun….but we all know that the crew could never resist such beautiful cattle anyways.
Despite missing the Tiresias station; despite doing 2 many blockies upon Elpenor’s advice; and despite rowing alot (i.e. farmer carry), the crew came home as ONE unit. They filed into a line and shuffled a sandbag around their ranks. And they finished of course with some few exercises to beat up the core.
Moleskine: The underworld is the hinge point of Odysseus’ journey. Odysseus is forced to face that he can’t embrace his mom that died from grieving his absence. Odysseus also must face that his home (i.e. Penelope and Telemachus) are barely hanging onto hope. And Odysseus faces the great Achilles that says “Home is all that matters.” The moleskin was simple: choose home.
And the next Odyssey adventure will attempt to return home. It won’t be easy though. The ultimate series of challenges lies ahead — the sirens, whirlpool monster (Charybdis), Scylla, and those dang Cattle of the Sun. Get ready! All PAX will need to be recruited. We may need the navigational skills of folks like Mr Roboto or Panhandle. Or maybe Audible can bring beeswax so we can sneak past the audible declarations of the Sirens. Or maybe Da Vinci can give a run down on the history of artistic renderings of the Sirens and Scylla; or Tortuga can enumerate the various historical locations of Scylla and Charybdis (i.e. Strait of Messina). And maybe Beaker can bring those battle ropes to help the PAX man the sails as we navigate the journey “between a rock and a hard place” (Homer Ch.12 of the Odyssey). More news to come about the date of Part III of the Odyssey workout. Be ready — real boats might be used next time. And Too Big To Fail (TBTF) has agreed to bring some cattle to represent the Cattle of the Sun.
Tags: Mastodon, The wet burrito, Cheap Shot, Jailbreak, Endo, Noodles, Samsonite, Treebeard, Bloomer, Doogie, Lambeau
F3 Wheaton 