10/29/20 Backblast: Chuck Norris Puts Jack Handey in a Headlock @ AO Mastodon

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL Chuck Norris made me do it.

17 PAXs in attendance for the beatdown: Da Vinci, Tortuga (respect), Panhandle, T-Bone, Wet Burrito, Big Mac, Shamu, Noodles, Hotbox, Gummi Bear, Cookies, Beaker, Jolly, Banks, Shiplap, Sparrow, SAGA (Q)

PRE-WOR: ol’ glory down = 10 burpees


5 Motivators: Chuck Norris breaths air – 5 times a day

Tappy-taps: Chuck Norris got Coronavirus. Now the Coronavirus is in isolation.

Arm Circles: Chuck Norris was once run over by a tank. He refused to pay for it.

5 mountain climbers w/a merkin: Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups, he pushes the earth down.

THANG 1: John Cusak coupons over to Hoffa in a slight mosey fashion

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano... Heavy Classical Music in the center of Pax

THANG 2: 10 TO 1 says Chuck Norris can’t take us! But to do it, the PAX has to stay together.

SIT UPS – run hill w/opposite count SQUATS at top (ALL TOGETHER)

10/1: The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

9/2: Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

8/3: Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

7/4: If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

6/5: Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.

5/6: When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”

4/7: Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

3/8: Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

2/9: The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

1/10: Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.

NIPPLE SCRAPPER MERKINS – run hill w/opposite count SQUATS at top

10/1: Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

9/2: Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

8/3: Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

7/4: There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

6/5: The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5/6: If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.

4/7: In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

3/8: If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

2/9: Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

1/10: Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

BLOCK Bs – run hill w/opposite count SQUATS at top

10/1: Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

9/2: Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

8/3: Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.

7/4: Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

6/5: Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

5/10: Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

CoR/NoR/Cot: Continued prayers for Noodles and his loss, Archive and his baby and M, Smokey and his job opportunities.

Sparrow presents The Banana Award to Q: “The ripeness representing good comedic timing and the peel reminds you, you can always slip and fall.”

Moleskin: Gratitude for the PAX and call to persevere together in the joys and sorrows.


Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.