8.10.19 – Jäzz Händz VQ: “Game of Life: Introduction of the ‘Death Die’ “

Official Backblast for previous Saturday, August 10, 2019 with YHC @Jäzz Händz VQ-ing it up! It’s about time, right fellas?

I like to call this one:

“Game of Life: Introduction of the ‘Death Die'”


5 PAX (@Captain Crunch (AJ), @Archive, @F3Banks, @TBTF, and @Jäzz Händz) posted at MASTO-CON for some fun and games on this cool yet humid morning. As VQIC, yours truly lead the workout in true @Jäzz Händz fashion as a *co-op board game* with a twist: the introduction of a new way of manipulating the punishments at random—the “Death Die.” This new tool to be used at will by any future PAX on Q is a half-coupon adorned with dice pips, and makes for an interesting dynamic to beat down the PAX, or *perhaps* offer some occasional relief…maybe.

*WOR* in the parking lot, in cadence:

• 7x Motivators

• 25 Mountain Man Poopers (sped up)

*Thang 1: “Double Trouble”* _(Co-op Strategy, “House Rules” Edition)_


Starting on the west end of Mastodon, we prepared to do the short circuit around the board (the park path) heading north + east,following the lamp posts as our “spaces” for each successive Double Trouble exercise. We grabbed a token (full sized coupon) to carry around the board as a team, rotating who carried at each lamp post. There were 20 spaces total, each space doubling the exercise from the space before. Objective is to complete circuit around board and bring the token back to its home.

_Breakdown of each spaces exercises:_

• Spaces 1-4: Burpees (1x, 2x, 4x, 8x)

• Spaces 5-8: Monkey Humpers (2x, 4x, 8x, 16x)

• Spaces 9-12: Lunges: (3x, 6x, 12x, 24x)

• Spaces 13-16: Imperial Walkers: (4x, 8x, 16x, 32x)

• Spaces 17-20: LBCs: (5x, 10x, 20x, 40x)

Prior to embarking, however, we rolled the Death Die. @F3Banks rolled a *2* for the group, which meant every _human_ we passed along the way caused the group to *_go back 2 spaces_* and repeat that space’s exercise, then continue on as normal. If the humans were accompanied by an *odd* number of dogs, PAX had to *_double_* the amount of spaces to double back on. *Even* number of dogs: _skip ahead one space._ (This never happened).

*Summary of Rules* (per @F3Banks’ “2” roll):

• 1 human: back 2 spaces.

• 2 humans: back 4 spaces.

• 3 humans: back 6 spaces.

• 1 human + 1 or 3 dogs: back 4 spaces.

• 1 human + 2 or 4 dogs, BONUS: skip the next space.

PAX counted off, and the token and death die passed around the group in numerical order at each lamp post. Since YHC hadn’t play tested this particular game of horrors prior to his actual introduction to the other PAX, we had a bit of *“trouble”* keeping up with the rules as we encountered more humans and dogs than expected. Math and Monkey Humpers don’t always go well together, either—despite the blood rush to the head.

After getting caught in a particularly nasty death loop in spaces 9-12 due to every human in the park and their little dogs too converging at our exact location all at once, @Captain Crunch (AJ) suggested a set of *House Rules*: roll the Death Die when you pass a human: *1-3*=PAX don’t do the penalty of going back X spaces, while *4-6*=we do the penalty. After roughly 90 lunges without relief (prior to induction of house rules), we finally made it to the Walkers and LBCs, only stumbling upon 1 or 2 penalty humans for the remaining duration.

The beauty of the Death Die and Double Trouble is, if you’ve got a handful of different exercises planned (abs, legs, upper, lower, etc), this randomness can turn a sample selection of exercises into a full out LUNGE FEST and YHC hasn’t been able to walk up stairs for the past 3 days thanks to this factor.

🏃‍♂️ YHC/VQIC: “I’ll have a little of everything please.”

🦹‍♂️ 🎲 Death Die and passers-by: “YOUR LEGS WON’T LAST THE HOUR!”

Upon reaching the 20th space, we grabbed the token and completed its journey around the board back to its starting location, via moseying to the bottom of the hill for a quick water break and on to our next game.

*Thang 2: “Dungeons and Dragons”*


A short but potentially bitter “game.” In this instance, the Death Die was moderately kind to us.

*The Rules:*

• PAX roll *_2D6 + 4 with advantage,_* and do that many *Welsh Dragons* (a real F3 exercise! See below) across the field OYO.

    – (laymen terms: roll 2 death dice, take the lower of the two numbers, and add 4 for your rep count.)

@F3Banks and @Captain Crunch (AJ) each happened to roll a *3*, so with no decision-making necessary, we got on our hands and toes and Welsh Dragon crawled across the field for 7 reps.

Here’s the F3 definition of a Welsh Dragon:

Remain in _[high]_ plank position the whole time. Bear crawl forward 4 steps, do 1 merkin, 1 plank jack, and tap the back of each shoulder 1 time. Repeat, adding 1 rep to each exercise each time – bear crawl forward 4 steps, do 2 merkins, 2 plank jacks, 2 sets of back of shoulder taps… etc. Go until you get to 10 reps each, you’ve covered 30-50 feet, or until your arms fall off – whichever comes first.

Our Death Die dictated a rep count of 7, which is right around the time it really started to burn. Next time YHC will tweak the rules so PAX have to push through the burn instead of ending it there.

*Thang 3: Death Deck a la Fire Drill*


Each PAX drew 2 cards from the F3 exercise death deck (thanks to @Captain Crunch (AJ) for bringing it along). First card: your exercise. Second card: the rep count. Stood in a circle and did high knees (fire drill style) between each PAX calling their exercise for the group. Can’t remember exactly what was drawn and called, but it involved a DIY version of heels to the sky, butt kicks, a lap around the hill, and 100x high knees millennial style to wrap it up.


• Side planks

• Guantanamo (2x)

PAX stashed the newly forged Death Die in a secure location (is it secret? Is it safe?), and did an AYG sprint to the flag for COT, followed by victory cinnamon rolls and coffee, and strange and enlightening discussion of the origins of the work “merkins.” Warning: NSFW.


• Crunch recovering health

• Archive job hunt

• Jazz hands M’s job hunt

I was humbled and honored to serve as Q for first time! Surprisingly sore despite feeling like the pain wasn’t brought as hard as usual (all those lunges!). I know I’ll Q again soon, and I’ll hopefully give @F3Banks something to complain about eventually 😉