The Undertaker’s Nightmare Game

A game of carrying Pax around on stretchers, throwing water beads or pax as necessary.

BACKSTORY: Follow your heart. Chase your dreams. Believe in yourself. You can do anything if you set your mind to it…

These words go rattling around inside the empty pit that is your stomach. It’s over. Your dream is dead. 

For years you and your wife talked late into the night about your vision for a better future. The world needs responsibly sourced, sustainable, fair-trade toilet paper. But now, after five months without a single order, you’re closing your Etsy shop, forever.“Let them wipe with Charmin for all I care!” you blurt out, but you don’t really mean it. As one of the brightest lights in the toilet paper industry goes dark, the Charmin Twitter account is eerily silent. Now it’s time to face a future with nothing but mass produced, rainforest destroying toilet tissue. 

What’s worse, you need to get a real job. You don’t want to face disappointment like this ever again, so you turn to the only profession that can never die: undertaking. 
With no training or experience, you breeze through the licensure requirements, for once thankful to have a brother-in-law who works for the county. “How hard could it be to bury people?” you think. I’ll learn what I need from YouTube, and if I make a few mistakes along the way, who will ever know?

Act 2

Your wife runs in calling you to turn on the television. As firefighters put out the blaze you realize the unthinkable has happened, a major airliner crashed within 10 miles of your house. 98 dead, 2 survivors. How did those two people survive? Are they nuns or superheroes? If you ever get a chance to meet them, you will ask them where they sat.

Caller ID says it’s your brother in law ringing your cell phone. As county health director, this plane crash his mess to clean up. Suddenly you realize what that means, 98 burials. At $3000 a grave, you could be set for life. “Follow your dreams,” you think as you answer the phone.

Then your dream turns to a nightmare. The idiot. The fool has been reading the Internet and mistakenly took a children’s riddle for CDC advice on plane crashes during Covid. Bury the survivors. He wants you to bury those two survivors. He wants it done before sunrise, or he will bury you in paperwork and take away your license forever.You think about doing it. Burry those two and then drown your sorrows. But you imagine their families, their tears, their screams of “I’m not dead yet.”

You resolve, somehow, to get them out of the county before sunrise. With the help of your pax, you form a modern underground railroad. An undertaker’s nightmare. 

The Thang

Carry a man to the pool house steps and back to the bridge. Your team can only advance while a pax is being carried. Pax can lay on a stretcher, piggyback, etc.Along the way complete (per pax)
75 Merkins
75 sit-ups
75 Squats
The team with an extra pax must complete 10 extra dead guy curls and 10 hiphiphurray’s.


You can throw Orbeez™ brand water beads at the other team while your team is moving forward. If you hit someone on the other team, then everyone on their team owes one burpee before crossing the final bridge. “Shields up” (protection from burpees during orbeez attacks) is maintained by lifting the pax entirely above your shoulders.Action: the above happened.The team with 6 pax went all the way to the bridge and completed the exercises, making them the official winners. The last exercise they completed was to overhead press the Pax on the stretcher. The momentum was such that the Pax was thrown into the air and caught on the stretcher several times. This exercise shall henceforth be named the “Hip, Hip, Hurray”.

End of Game

Bonus excercises:

2 Minutes of Mary:
39 flutter kicks
39 count boat
39 silent count canoe.Bonus round: Hip, Hip Hurray’s for 7 willing Pax.
This added 70 overhead thrusters to our cumulative team total.

Quote: Beaker “This is not cult-like,” as the PAX circled around and lifted him in the air.Moleskin: Intentional gratitude is my second most powerful tool for mental health.

Backblast: Strike 2: Undertaker’s Nightmare
Date: 2/22/2022
AO: #ao_mastodon
PAX: @Sparrow @Archive @Tortuga @Panhandle @bumble @Panda Express @Beaker @Shiplap @Da Vinci @SAGA @Jolly
FNGs: 0
Q: @Sparrow
Total: 11