Author: backblasts

Santa’s Secret Snack Hunt

by backblasts, posted in Uncategorized

Santa needs our help.

Mrs. Clause put Santa on a diet, so now Santa does his snacking at Northside Park (Ho, Ho, Ho.) Santa was not wearing a mask (does the beard not count?) so the COVID police chased him all over Northside park. A fan of action films, Santa tried tossing out his snacks to see if it would distract the cops, but alas, covid cops are vegan.

Now Santa is in the lockup, and there will be no Christmas, period.

Christmas cannot be saved, but it’s killing Santa to think about all those snacks going to waste. I saw Santa during a recent prison ministry visit, and he slipped me a map rolled up inside a twinky. Now it’s up to us to find Santa’s snacks and eat them.

If our group is under 10 on Monday, this will be a leisurely walk in the park. If we are over 10, we will split into teams of 4 for a cut-throat, eat-or-be-eaten snack hunt in the park.

Teams will be allowed to self select around themes:

  1. Fast track/need for speed/everyday-I’m-shuffling
  2. Beat down.
  3. Hold me back: diet accountability group.
  4. Pax just wanna have fun.

Welcome FNG “Beaf Stick”

Choose Your Own Adventure

by backblasts, posted in Uncategorized

In a weird twist of fate, you find yourself inside a 1982 “choose your own adventure” book.

You’ll have to complete a number of death defying exercises to get out alive.

Full Version with Pictures is available here as a PDF.

 

Your school is on a field trip to the zoo, and you’re trying to catch the attention of your new crush. With your friend holding on to you shirt, you lean way over the gorilla pit and smack the largest gorilla on the back of the head. Your friend loses his grip, and now you’re eye to eye with an angry gorilla, who is trying to decide if you are another gorilla, a snack, or his long lost girlfriend.

You’ll have to do your best gorilla impression if you want to survive until the zoo keepers arrive.

Do 75 total reps in any combination of these:

Overhand Pull ups Underhand Chin ups. Toe to bar.

You’ve fallen into the hands of several elderly zombies. They will eat your brains, unless you can blend in with them.

To blend in, you must perform 300 reps on ANY of the permanent workout machines in this area. Choose any machine. Bodyweight chest press, inclined sit-up, elliptical movement, etc.

Any machine, any rep count, until your team gets to 300 reps total.

You’ve aroused the anger of time traveling cowboys. They decide to teach you a lesson by “making you dance”. With pistol shots at your head and feet. You’ll be ducking and jumping to survive.

To dodge the bullets perform 150 reps total of any combination of:
Bench dips
Box Jumps

Step ups

A rival workout gang claims Northside Park as their exclusive territory, unless you can beat them at their own game.

To prove you’re the strongest, you need to do 150 reps in any combination of:

Merkins Burpees Star Jumps Squat jumps

 

Out of innocent curiosity, you wandered behind the bathhouse. You walked right into a secret meeting of bully’s club called Rodney and the Wrathbones.

They’ll let you go free, but only after you do 150 of these (total reps in any combination):

Bent over rows Kettle bell swings Coupon lunges

You drank something, and it wasn’t Kool-aidTM. You can’t tell if someone laced your drink with PCP, Speed, or just the heady power rush that accompanies becoming commander in chief.

Work off your power rush and prove you’re the best by performing150 Total Reps in any combination of:
Coupon Bicep Curls
Overhead Press
Scull Crushers.