4.18.19 – Hills to Die On

^^ I mean just look at the crazy on that guys face…

Thursday saw a lovely rainy morning greeting AO Mastodon and the 6 PAX that gathered to start the day off right. Shoutouts to Moonlight and Brooks from F3 Naperville who shepherded their local FNG (Stretch) into the enthusiastic arms of F3 Wheaton’s crew. The Q was feeling a bit sporty this morning, I’ll leave it to the mumblechatter to say whether this was a bad case of Qdrenaline or just a good old-fashioned Beatdown. #RainOrShine

Warm-o-Rama / The Old Stand-by:

  • Motivators IC x7
  • Tin Soldiers IC x15

Thang #1: YURPEE Mile (who knew the Burpee Mile could get MORE fun? Yurpee = Burpee, but clap-merkins and two tuck-jumps on the standing part! Fun for the whole PAX) Sets of 6 on the quarter mile (total 24 Yurpees and 1 mi.)

Thang #2: The Nemesis/Partner Flap-Jack: For this exercise, PAX were led to the top of the Hill and told to pair off and share with their partner what was their “nemesis” exercise (that thing they would really rather not do). Then, PAX#1 got to do that exercise for for PAX#2, while PAX#2 bear crawled down the hill and Bernie Sanders’d back up. Flapjack, so that PAX#1 did bear-down/bern-up while PAX#2 did PAX#1’s nemesis exercise. And just to make sure no one felt like they got off too easy, we did another Flapjack, this time, giving each PAX a chance to face their own nemesis exercise for the length of their partner’s turn on the hill.

We did have just enough time to fit in a three rounds of a mini-spartan:

  • sprint up the hill, do merkin x10, regroup at the bottom of the hill (x3)

Some Minutes of Mary:

  • V-Ups x 26
  • Hurricane Hoedown
    • Seated Flutterkick IC x7
    • Reclined Flutterkick IC x7
    • Normal Flutterkick IC x7
    • LBC Flutterkick IC x7
  • Australian Snow Angels IC x21


Prayers for the brothers — Lifting up the Naperville convergence on April 27th, prayers for Holy Week, that the Body in our individual places of worship would feel the closeness and connection to the Lord that sustains and strengthens our worship and mission. — Gratitude for bodies that can be worked and the opportunity to use them well. — Thanks for FNG–Stretch being added to the number. Respect Respect!

4.4.19 – Leg Day++

With an uncomfortably warm (44 degree!) day, three dazed and confused PAX rallied around the shovel-flag at AO Mastodon for another Thursday. None of us know how to dress for 40+ weather, and the threat of showers only made it worse. Banks confused us all by bringing a jacket that altered his usual shape, color and sound! I guess our habits are getting too predictable. The Q was so thrown that he decided to go a little bit “extra” on a number of exercises.

Warm-o-Rama / The Standard:

  • Motivators IC x7
  • Tin Soldiers IC x21
  • Imperial Walkers IC x20

Thang #1: The Runs

  • run the Archive-mile, breaking at various points to do the following exercises:
    • Bolt 60s (like the 45, but more)
    • Dan Taylor (Squats/Lunges – 1:4, 2:8, 3:12, … , 8:32, and then 9:36)
    • Colonel Trautmans x5 (three-legged partner exercise, merkins x5 / pull-ups x3 / people’s chair)
    • Route 66 – Burpees (lightposts 1, 2, … , 11)

Thang #2: Aiken-Bernie Legs

  • Aiken Legs
    • 20 Squats
    • 20 Box Jumps IC (jump in a square)
    • 20 Lunges (just 10 each leg!)
    • 20 Split Jacks
  • Bernie, Burny Legs
    • Bernie Sanders up the hill
    • 20 Monkey Humpers
    • Lunge down the hill (~40)


  • Flutter-kicks IC x50


Prayers for the brothers — Motivation. Motivation. Motivation. — Prayers that we would be encouraged and filled up so that we could in turn be a blessing to those around us. — Gratitude for bodies that are made for work.

3.30.19 5 Alive or 5 Alarm?

3 PAX Arrived in the gloom for a friendly Saturday Beatdown from yours truly. Banks (QIC), Captain Crunch, and FNG – Jazz Hands

It started the same as most Saturdays do with a


7x Motivators

15x Tin Soldiers

From there our Q had a new routine that he wanted to try out on the unsuspecting PAX. There was some debate over the name of the Thang, originally the Q wanted to call it 5 Alive, but after it was over Captain Crunch suggested the name 5 Alarm. I will let you be the judge of what the final name should be.

The Thang:

*It should be noted that Captain Crunch was feeling particularly motivated this morning and decided to do the entire routine with a ruck on his back (respect!)

  • Run the short mile stopping at each lamp post until the Thang is complete
  • 1st Lamp – 1 Burpee
  • 2nd Lamp – 2 Burpees – this progresses up to the 5th lamp post and doing 5 Burpees
  • 6th Lamp – 5 Burpees, 1 Merkin – The Merkins increase by 1 until the 10th lamp post
  • 11th Lamp – 5 Burpees, 5 Merkins, 1 Star Jump – The Star Jumps Increase until the 15th lamp post
  • 16th Lamp – 5 Burpees, 5 Merkins, 5 Star Jump, 1 Squat – The Squats increase until the 20th lamp post
  • 21st Lamp – 5 Burpees, 5 Merkins, 5 Star Jumps, 5 Squats, 1 Dive Bomber – The Dive Bombers increase until the 25th lamp post
  • 25th Lamp – The routine culminates with 5 Burpees, 5 Merkins, 5 Star Jumps, 5 Squats, and 5 Dive Bombers
  • From there, run the rest of the mile

For those of you counting at home, that adds up to the following:

  • 115 Burpees
  • 90 Merkins
  • 65 Star Jumps
  • 40 Squats
  • 15 Dive Bombers

From there we went into

Thang 2:

A Modified Dora 1-2-3 featuring: 25 Burpees, 50 Pull Ups, 75 Merkins, 100 Squats

  • While one PAX was completing the exercise, one PAX ran up the hill and back whil the other performed a wall sit


Prayers for Motivation, Safe Travels, Health of the Family.

Glad to have FNG Jazz Hands join us for the beatdown! Avon also came to join us all for coffeeteria.

3.21.19 – When in doubt, Moar Leg Day!

With the comfortably cool weather lingering for another week, two PAX headed over to AO Mastodon to see what Thursday had in store. The Q’s legs were mostly back in working order after Banks’ Ultimate Leg Day on Saturday, so he figured it was better to show them who’s boss than to give them a break. Pleasantly surprised that what followed was not terrible. Burpees were probably the low point.

Warm-o-Rama / The Standard:

  • Motivators IC x7
  • Tin Soldiers IC x15
  • Imperial Walkers IC x20

The Thang: Leg Day

  • The Runs (run the Archive-mile, breaking at various points to do the following exercises)
    • Bolt 45s
    • Dan Taylor (Squats/Lunges – 1:4, 2:8, 3:12, … , 8:32)
    • Route 66 – Burpees
    • Windshield Wipers IC x10
  • Bear-Down / Burn-up Hill runs x 3 (Bernie Sanders up / Bear-crawls down)

C.O.O.T.E.E.s — Circle Of Outside Training / Exercise Equipment

  • Used each of the circle of equipment installed at the park:
    • Dip bars x10
    • decline sit-ups ICx20
    • seated leg-press ICx20
    • seated pull-ups ICx20
    • seated overhand press x20


Prayers for the brothers — finish the week strong, be faithful servant leaders at work, at home and in our community.

3.16.19 – Seasons of Lunge! (525,600 lunges)

Backblast by Crunch:

It was frosty enough day to keep one’s jacket on through a good workout. As a good PAX, your narrator posted, feeling fit and prepared (he thought) for the beatdown delivered by QIC-Banks. Unbidden, a random cocky thought went through our PAX’s head: I have my watch, that doesn’t mean I need to use it. I’m game for whatever’s coming. Live in the present, man. It’ll be over before you know it…The day began as normal as any other:

Warm-o-Rama / The Standard:

  • Motivators IC x7
  • Tin Soldiers IC x20

Thang #1: Complacency

  • Run a Mile

An opener mile was no surprising play. It was at this point, dear reader, that our self-confident PAX began trying to guess what was next. He was fairly certain more than half of the running was behind him for the day, and we ended by the coupon pile—a typical enough Banks move. Was it Hodor or Colt 45 today? The QIC passed by the coupon pile without a second thought, and that’s when it got interesting:

Thang #2: Aiken-Bernie Legs

  • Aiken Legs
    • 20 Squats
    • 20 Box Jumps IC (jump in a square)
    • 20 Lunges (just 10 each leg!)
    • 20 Split Jacks
  • Bernie, Burny Legs
    • Bernie Sanders up the hill
    • 20 Star Jumps or Monkey Humpers or Oblique Squats
    • Lunge down the hill (about 40 lunges)

Well that was a Thing. It was some Crunch level madness to go from Aiken to Bernie and THEN do lunges down a hill… Our foolhardy PAX thought “how much time is left? Wait… did I say I wouldn’t check?”

  • Repeat Aiken + Bernie, Burny 4 more times…

WHAT IS THIS??? Seriously, it’s got to be close to time now… Banks always ends promptly… live in the present…

Thang #3: The Rest-Stop

  • Partner Exercise: People’s Chair at the Lake Tree / run up the hill and back (x3 each partner)
  • Limp/Run a quarter mile around the Bridges

At this point, I don’t think I could fully feel my legs. This portion was definitely a wind-down by comparison. I think our 1/4 mile time was about half the pace of our original mile. Bumped in to Avon at the end, who posted for coffee despite a back-injury. Mosey to the flag for a wrap-up.

6MoM (6 Minutes of Mary):

  • Flutters (AMRAP 30 sec)
  • LBCs (AMRAP 30 sec)
  • Dolly (AMRAP 30 sec)
  • American Hammer (AMRAP 30 sec)

(okay fine just 2 Min of Mary, Banks ends promptly.)


Prayers — prayers for personal discipline and courage for the week ahead, for wisdom in prioritizing and encouragement for PAX and their families to make it through the month.

For those of you keeping track at home, that was:

  • 5 Bernie Hills
  • 20 Oblique Squats / 30 Star Jumps / 30 Monkey Humpers
  • 100 Squats / 100 Box Jumps (IC) / 100 Split Jacks
  • 300 Lunges
  • ~2 min of People’s chair + some other stuff

It’s two days later, and I’m still getting out of my chair like an old man. Good times.

Thought of the Day: Maybe Banks will get the 45min week-day slots from here on out. I’m in danger of getting in shape.

TODO: figure out permissions for f3wheaton; also, stretch more.

2.16.19 – One Q to Rule Them All

Saturday saw three of AO Mastodon’s PAX awaiting their Q in the brisk wind. After hitting the standard warm-up on their own, one resourceful PAX (Banks) decided today was a good time to break out the F3 Workout Deck they had purchased for just such an emergency. We Moseyed to the pavilion and proceeded to randomize our beat-down. After lucking out on the Ace pulls (for exercise, not reps) and turbo-ing through some cardio and ab workouts, some guy Q-drenalined his way into more bear-crawl than he could handle. Overall a good day and a well-rounded workout. Shout out to Archive for making it back to fighting shape after this week’s maladies.

COR/NOR/COT: Health, good spirits and recovery for 2/3 houses. Good, close relationships at home and hearts of service and personal courage.

Backblast, or it didn’t happen!

2.14.19 – Happy Cardio Day!

Thursday saw our Q once again whole minutes behind schedule. Thankfully the PAX already there saw him roll up before beginning a run around the park, and normal order resumed shortly after. Eager to try out his new idea on a human test subject, they settled in for a cardio heavy Valentine’s Day as the ice rained down from the trees.


  • Motivators ICx7
  • Windmills ICx15

The Indy 500:

  • 2 mi (the full “Ridgeway” this time) and SSH x 500 (sets of 50)


  • Ol’ Ironsides – (Boat/Canoe + American Hammer ICx10) x 2

NOR/COR/COT: Lifting up the business of life (home and work), and the weariness in the Crunch household. Prayer for a spirit of charity and encouragement to cover all.

Potential idea: The “Indy 5000” (an Indy 500 involving at least 3.1mi/5km). Named to scare people who have survived an “Indy 500” routine.

Passing Muster

In the absence of our AO’s fearless leader, 2 PAX met under a clear starry sky and a surprising amount of wind for the Beat Down of the day. Mostly prepared, but eager to get moving after the 40 degree shift in temperatures from yesterday, the PAX got after it. The plan was simple: warm-up, attempt the Murph, survive to the end.

  • Motivators IC x7
  • Windmills IC x15

The Murph:

  • The Loop (~1 mi)
  • Cindy: 5 pull-ups*, 10 Merkins, 15 Squats (AMRAP, or 20 sets in 20 min)
    • Final time: 17:22
    • *goal for the year – unmodified pull-ups
  • The Loop (~1 mi)


  • “Old Ironsides”:
    • Boat position – American Hammer IC x10
    • Canoe
    • Boat position – American Hammer IC x10
    • Canoe
    • Boat


Prayers for Archive’s return from his conference this week and Mrs. Archive’s endurance on the home-front. Similar prayers for Banks for the change to be present at home in this season, looking at a longer stretch of time without any work-related trips.

The Murph brought us almost all the way to time, so in lieu of the “KFC Double-down” exercises the Q had planned he invented a new “high-intensity cool-down” exercise. Pleased with the results of our Boat-Canoe / American Hammer standbys, he imaginatively sewed them together into an uncomfortable Frankenstein exercise, lovingly named after the USS Constitution. We all hope he learns some moderation in the future…


9/27/18 – Roll Call

With a bright moon and a bit of mist off the lake, 3 local PAX greeted the return of Chelms to our balmy, Northern AO. The Q was responsible for making sure his check-in gave him a good sense of what AO Mastodon brings on an average week, so we pulled out some old and new classics.

Motivators IC x7

Windmills IC x20

Burpee Mile

Triple “Kopeck” Nickle (Squats / Bernies / Monkey Humpers)

Colt 45s + Bears & Blocks – Banks vented his frustration(j/k) on a cinder-block, (ToDo: replace/glue)

Dips n’ Derks ICx15

Flutter IC x20

Dolly IC x20

American Hammer ICx20


COR / NOR / COT: Lifting up Scott in Wilmington and his family, having to struggle through medical issues separate from, but on the heels of hurricane trouble. Requests for rest in the midst of young parenthood, blessings on the group as they travel, work, and live.

Despite the Q’s penchant for overkill, the PAX hit it hard and kept it coming all the way through the end. Hopefully we all get a good stretch between now and Saturday.

9.15.18 – Welcome to Thermopylae

In the first decently cool workout day of the season, the Q decided to dial it up now that the humidity was out of the way. Archive clued him into the “Spartan” exercise, so he freshened up his historical knowledge and hit the 3 PAX that posted with a kinesthetic learning experience.

The Thermopylae Experience:

  • Motivators IC (x7) (Get Motivated)
  • Abe Vigoda IC (x14) (because a good warrior prepares)

The “true” Spartan: Like a regular Spartan, but on The Hill, and with your “Shield” (coupon). Oh, and pauses for history lessons after each 10 reps

  • 30x hill sprints (okay, trudges)
  • 300x Merkins

The PAX took it in stride and shouldered their shields. A brief breather for everyone at 10 and 20 reps for the Q to jaw on about the true events from the Battle of Thermopylae and the crazy guys who held the line to their last breath. (Fittingly, they made their last stand on a hill.) The Q had other things planned but somewhere between the coupons and the history lessons the time just flew by. Next time we’ll up the pace…

NOR/COT: Prayers for families and the PAX who lead and serve them, that we would be courageous, disciplined and ready to sacrifice for things greater than ourselves.