Sparrow’s Intro to Old Testament

This workout was designed so that someday, somewhere, a man would make an intelligent comment about the Old Testament, and get some raised eyebrows from those around him. “How would you know anything about that?” they ask incredulously. “Well, you see, I one time did this workout…

“Motivators”, which were actually side straddle hops.
Tap-y-Taps.
Calf stretches.
Mountain man poopers
etc.

The Creation of the Universe


1 In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.


Hold Superman like you’re hovering over the face of the waters.
Progress to Al Gore
God makes man: Man Makers X 10

The Garden of Eden

Calf raises around the garden. Eye to eye with your fellow PAX, enjoying relationship and a non-stressful exercise. Pass an apple from PAX to PAX until somebody succumbs to temptation and bites the apple.

The Fall of Man

Saga bites the apple. All hell breaks loose. 10 burpees.

Noah’s Flood

Pax pair up and complete 100 merkins and 100 squats together, then choose an animal and do that crawl up the hill, two-by-two. Circle up at the top of the hill to form an ark, then do flutter kicks and leg raises. The ark lands on Mt. Ararat.

The Tower of Babel

“Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, … And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower… and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another’s speech.” PAX TOWER/Human Pyramid.

Call of Abraham

God calls Abraham to leave his home. Abraham follows God. Abraham believes God’s promise even though in his own lifetime he didn’t see all of it fulfilled. The promise was true, and Abraham became a mighty nation. AMRAP Big boy situps 2 Minutes.


We give Isaac a miss.

Jacob and Esau

Jacob grasped the heal, we do one set of pull ups, your personal max. God renamed Jacob into “Israel” Jacob had 12 sons, who became the 12 tribes of israel. One of them was Joseph.

Joseph and the Coat of many Colors

Chest presses while we learned that Joseph was enslaved by his brothers. God had a plan for Joseph to be the leader of Egypt, a savior of his people, and the training ground for all of that was slavery and prison. Joseph saved his family by storing up grain before the entire world got hit by a famine.

Slavery in Egypt

Joseph’s family (Israel and his sons) were saved by traveling to Egypt and getting fed, but eventually things took a turn for the worse. Pharaoh enslaved the Jews. They spent their time making bricks. The PAX did 20 grave diggers, then a rifle carry up hoffa.

Exodus: Let my people go

God gives Moses a special upbringing and leadership training, and then tells him to go talk to Pharaoh. Moses complains, but it turns out God was right. Moses tells Pharaoh that God says “let my people go.” During the 10 plagues, God told his people to paint their doorways with the blood of a lamb, so that the angel of death would pass over their house. That sounds strange, but Christians also believe that the blood of Jesus is also able to spare us from death. PAX do squat thrusters reminiscent of painting an overhead doorway.
After 10 plagues and the death of his son, Pharaoh lets them go.

10 commandments

God gives Moses the 10 commandments while they are in the desert. Pax do 10 block merkins (later in the workout).

Wandering in the wilderness

God’s people make it right up to the edge of the promised land, but they refused to obey God and go into it, so he told them they could wander for a while (40 years) while they thought about it. PAX go for a fast jog (a fog) with an emphasis on picking up the 6, which creates the sensation of wandering.

Promised Land

PAX enter the promised land and enjoy some much needed rest.

moleskin

The Old Testament is a beautifully written collection of history, poetry and prophecy. It tells the story of a God who desires relationship with us. If you find yourself asking “Why God?”, read the Old Testament and ask yourself “Why People?” People do some silly things, and God keeps moving towards us in relationship.

COT. Prayers.

KUBB with 28

Backblast

AO Mastodon, 5/18/21, 5:30AM

Twenty-eight PAX posted for a friendly beatdown this beautiful morning.  After a quick WOR of 5 count motivators, OYO arm circles and Michael Phelps, and 10 copperhead merkins IC, we moseyed over to Dan Taylor alley for Thang One.

Thang One: KUBB 1

With way more men than I anticipated, I made some modifications to my plan as we moseyed to Dan Taylor. KUBB was set up between two soccer goals. Men partnered up. I sent seven pairs to one side of the pitch and seven to the other side. In each partnership, one HIM ran around a marked route while the other earned tosses and tossing.  A toss was earned with 30 merkins, 30 lunges, or 30 squats. When a team knocked a block down, the PAX present on that team ran a short lap around their soccer goal before continuing. When the runner of the pair returned, partners switched roles.

Instead of tossing a baton at the blocks, PAX could choose to take a frisbee and attempt to hit a set target. A successful hit resulted in a free block knock down. 

Once a team knocked down all the blocks they did ten burpees before attempting the king.

Team 1 was victorious in round one.

Thang Two: KUBB 2

Same as round one with shorter running route, 15 reps each: hand release merkins, Bonnie Blairs, jump squats.

Team 2 won this round.

Mary/ tie breaker

Back at the flags teams circled up for a plank-off to determine the winner. After a few minutes of planking, merkins were mixed in.  With six or seven PAX left we went to plank with arms bent to 90 degrees.  It came down to Waterboy and BigMac with Waterboy pulling off the win. Go team 2!

NOR: Gummi Bear, Wet Burrito, Doublemint, Panda Express, Ralphie, Achtung, BOGO, Captain Crunch, Shiplap, Saga, Binford, T-Bone (respect), Hot Box, Cookies, Cheese (respect), Bloomer, Panhandle, Jolly, Crack, Sparrow, Getaway, BigMac, DaVinci, Waterboy, Watson (respect, respect, FNG), Beaker, Heist (FNG), Tortuga Q

COT: Prayers for Crack’s M with a doctor’s appointment for a long term problem on Friday, Crack’s family as K-Pop graduates, his oldest comes back home from her internship, and all the changes coming their way, Tortuga and his M go to a new psychologist this Friday for some intensive therapy for her anxiety.

Praise for bodies that work and men to push us on.

Capture the Bag

A fast paced, high-heart-rate role playing game with dedicated roles for runners and ruckers. 


If future pax are reading through backblasts looking for ideas, I recommend skipping this one. It was a lot of fun to plan, but would have worked better with a smaller field of play or about 20 more PAX. Regular capture the flag might be fun to try. If you need a visual cue to recognize who is one what team, I thought “hats vs heads” worked well.

For natural and healthy reasons, our Mondays are divided between ruckers and runners. But there is much that unites us, not the least of which is sweating with friends before the sun comes up.

A game was designed with the following goals

  1. Ruckers carry heavy things
  2. Runners gonna run
  3. Everyone sweats 

Before the game starts, each pax will choose a running or rucking role, and maintain that role for the entire game. 

Runners will be running throughout the game, unimpeded by weight or pain stations. 

Ruckers will be carrying their rucks and occasionally a sandbag. Runners cannot carry. 

The entire pax will be divided evenly into two teams, with the runners and ruckers split evenly between the teams. 

The AO is divided into two even halves, four bridges divide the territory. Islands belong to the Northern team.

All of our available sandbags will be divided evenly between the two teams, let’s say team had 2×60 pound sandbags. 

At the start of the game, the ruckers on each team will carry their sandbags away from the starting bridge all the way to the other end of the park. If all pax reach the other end, they earn one point (In hindsight, this was probably unneccessary. It did create a more traditional ruck feel, but used up most of the time that could have been spent playing the strategy game).

The ruckers are trying to defend their sandbags by moving them around  constantly or by stashing with partial visibility them within 12 feet of the outer track.  Each sandbag was given a “certificate of visibility,” which had to be visible. (in hindsight, we had more daylight than expected and slightly less visible sandbags would have been fine.)

When ruckers are on their home turf, they will be referred to as “defensive ruckers”.

When a Rucker leaves his home turf and crosses a bridge in search of the other team’s sand bags, he is acting as an offensive Rucker. 

The runners primary job is to gather intelligence for their team. Runners should be able to spot the location of stashed or moving sandbags and report it to their Rucker teammates. Stashed sandbags must always be visible from the outer track. Runners also have the ability to send an offensive pax to jail when he is discovered out of his home territory. Finally, runners can empty their own jail by running past and tagging it. (in hindsight, the runners mostly just ran.)

In order to steal a bag, the offensive team has to challenge the defensive team to an exercise. If there are more than 2 pax involved, the challenges take place man-to-man. If one team is outnumbered, their pax have to compete more than once. For this reason, numbers are an advantage.

In the end, Archive’s team was a strong contender, both in strategy and exercises. Sparrows team (hats), proved a competent defender. Each team stole one bag, defended one bag, and made it across the park, for a tie score of 3:3.

Welcome FNG “Babysitter”
Welcome back Kotter, “Picasso”

Distance Dora

Backblast, 4/10/21, AO Tarpit, 5:30 AM

Twelve brave PAX came out on an overcast warm morning for a beatdown at AO Tarpit.  After a quick WOR of walking arm circles and Michael Phelps, high knees skips, grapevines and a short mosey, we partnered up at the track.

Thang one: Distance Dora

B.I.B.L.E.

Broad Jump Burpees

Inchworm

Bear Crawl

Lunges

Ephesians 2:8

Partner one ran a lap around the track while partner two made his way around the track doing Broad jump Burpees.  Flapjack: partner two ran, partner one did broad jump burpees.

We repeated this pattern with Inchworm, Bear crawl, and then Lunges.  Once partner two finished his run after his lunges, both partners walked together while reciting Ephesians 2:8 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God.”

Repeated as time allowed.

Thang two

  1. Round 1: Using three pull up options at the playground we split into three teams.  One person completed six side pull ups while the rest of the PAX completed slow merkins IC. We rotated through the pull ups twice.
  2. Round 2: Just four pull ups, first person at your station to get 50 merkins OYO ended the round.

Mary

Back at the flag.  We completed 25 flutter kicks IC, then 22 more with PAX calling out the verse, Eph 2:8, in place of the count.  One, two, three, By, one, two, three, grace, One, two, three, you, One, two, three, have, One, two, three, been, One, two, three, saved, etc.

NOR: Archive, Banks, Big Mac, DaVinci, Jolly, Katniss, Noodles, Panhandle, Saga, Shiplap, Tortuga (Q), Whittler.

COT: We lifted up Whittler who has an exam on Monday that he is continuing to study for this weekend, Noodles and his continued job search, and Saga who has some training today and a difficult classroom situation that will be coming to a head soon.

Moleskin: One way to think about grace is as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.  By grace we have been saved.  We have been adopted as God’s sons and been made co-heirs with Christ through nothing more than the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  It was given freely, at a great cost.  And it was not plan B.  Earlier in Ephesians it says that we were “chosen in him before the foundation of the world.”  Christ’s sacrifice to purchase our salvation was Plan A.  This is the God we serve.  Let’s live into that reality.

Good work on the verse, fellas.  Keep it up.

Run Club

Backblast, 4/2/21, 5:30AM, AO Ground Zero

Eleven PAX posted for this morning’s festivities. @Cookies, @DaVinci, and @Sparrow modified as needed and rucked to spare their knees and/or ankles.

The rest of us warmed up with a 1.4 mile jog over to the Blanchard Road hill, located next to Crossway Books. We ran the hill slowly the first time, made the return trip back down and did it again, increasing our speed each rep so that by the fifth ascent we were at an all out sprint.

Once hills were finished we sprinted the length of the island on Crescent Street that starts just east of the College Ave train station and goes to the end of the block. @Shiplap crushed us. (I think he might need to gain some of that weight back to slow him down a bit.)

The return trip got us back to the AO just after 6:15. We ended up just shy of 5 miles for the run.

NOR: (in alphabetical order) Beaker, Cheese, Cookies, Crack, DaVinci, Jolly, Katniss, Shiplap, Sparrow, T-Bone, Tortuga (Q)

COT: We prayed for T-Bone working to finish a deal with work, Crack and his work trip out east next week, for new believers Sparrow and his team witnessed to from Iran last week – for the strengthening of their faith, Sparrow whose feeling were hurt (not by @Jolly or anyone from F3, surprisingly).

Moleskin: Keep working on our verse of the week, and don’t leave the six behind: check in with your team and encourage/ push the stragglers to finish off the first part of Ephesians 2:8, “For by grace you have been saved through faith.” Next week we add the next chunk, “and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”

Poison Pill

Backblast, 3/6/21, 5:30am AO Tarpit

Poison Pill

Tortuga – QIC

Eleven PAX posted on this beautiful nearly spring morning. After a quick WOR of daisy pickers, Michael Phelps, 4 count motivators (Hotbox style – run in place rather than jump), and 10 slow merkins IC, we split into teams. Needing teams of three and falling just short of a handy multiple of said three, I asked for two volunteers to be a team of two. Shiplap and Banks took up the challenge.

Thang one: Poison Pill

Each team had chalk, a gallon of water, and two coupons. Only the six staircases starting on the southeast corner of Glenbard West and moving west to the southwest corner were used. Teams were required to carry their supplies up an unoccupied staircase. At the top, if there was no exercise listed in chalk, they wrote one, descended the same staircase, and went to a different staircase. If there were any exercises listed, the team had to complete 100 reps of all listed exercises. Upon completion, the team added a new exercise to the list. Repeat.

If there were three exercises listed when a team arrived at the top of a staircase, they complete the 300 total reps, erase all the chalk with their water, score one point, and go to a new staircase. Teams earned a five point bonus for completing all six staircases, regardless of the number of reps needed.

Exactly one coupon exercise per set of three listed exercises was required. No team may do the same staircase twice in a row. They must complete a different staircase before returning. Only one team at a time was allowed on each staircase.

Shiplap and Banks were given a slight head start and a reduced number of reps (75. They asked for 66.) Team DaVinci, Hotbox, and Tortuga wrote burpees at the top of their first staircase then climbed the staircase vacated by Jolly, Cookies, and Katniss. They left us blockees. Sweet as. This trend continued throughout the beatdown. There were very few soft reps. Our team had one round of lbcs, but that was it for easy. Hodors, blockees (again), burpees (2x), lunges(2x), curls, Peter Parkers, BBSUs, were completed by our team.

Time was called at 6:25, and all PAX returned to the parking lot for some Mary.

Team Banks and Shiplap tied with Team DaVinci, Hotbox, and Tortuga with seven points. Squat off to determine champ went to Hotbox.

Mary: Flutter kicks, 4 count, IC, 50.

NOR: Panhandle, Shiplap, Banks, Cookies, Saga, Jolly, Hotbox, Beaker, DaVinci, Katniss, Tortuga (Q). Guest appearances from Crack and Crash at the end with some biking down the stairs by @Crash who, thankfully, did NOT live up to his name this morning.

COT: Praise for a beautiful morning, a God who loves us, friends to push us, and a good workout. “Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James chapter one (somewhere in there).

Dueling Doomsday Clocks

Backblast, Tuesday, 2/9/21, 5:30 AM, AO Mastodon

It was definitely a Shackleton today. As I arrived at 5:21, the parking lots had not yet been plowed, but a plow was hard at work. By 5:26, I was able to pull into a plowed spot by the tennis courts. The plow was still clearing the rest of the lot as other PAX pulled in. The driver commented, “I thought you were a gang or something.”

WOR: motivators, tappy taps, goof balls, jog to cooties.

Thang one:

Two stations, teams of three. Station One: pull ups and jump squats. Station Two: Bulgarian Split Squats and SSH. The team member at each station stayed in motion doing the first exercise switching exercises as needed. Third team member ran around the obelisk circle to station one. Members rotated through the stations. (Continued this until QIC finished his 50 strict pull ups.)

PAX were encouraged to recite James while at stations. I think we got through verse eight a few times.

Thang two: Dueling Doomsday Clocks, part one

Moseyed back to the tennis court lot. Two groups for Dueling Doomsday Clocks. Each group formed a circle. At the start signal, each PAX got into the plank position. One PAX did one merkin and returned to the plank, then the PAX on his right did one merkin and returned to the plank, after all PAX in the clock did one merkin, the starting PAX did two merkins, etc. Once a PAX was unable to hold the plank or complete the merkins, he was out of the clock and began doing squats. As soon as one group was down to two remaining PAX, the round ended. One group got up to 10 merkins.

Thang three: Dueling Doomsday Clocks, part two

Moseyed to the pool lot. Repeated clocks with new groups and flipped the script. Clocks started in the squat position. First PAX did one squat, then returned to the squat hold with arms above the head. Eliminated PAX planked. (I was the first out on my team.) We had to call it a tie as time ran out.

NOR: Saga, Banks, Davinci, Whittler, Shiplap, Sparrow, Katniss, Beaker, Big Mac, Jolly, Cookies, Crack, and Tortuga (Q)

COT: Lifted up Hot Box’s M, TBTF with a rough work schedule this week, and Bloomer and Captain Crunch’s 2.0s.

Sparrow sang the praises of hand warmers and made an altar call (forgiveness and salvation being even better news than hand warmers).

Tortuga True or False, 1/23/21

Backblast, 1/23/21, Tarpit, 5:30AM

WOR: slow jog around the parking lot, mtn climbers, Abe Vigodas, slow merkins, slow colt 45 (just 15)

Getting inspiration from @panhandle’s anniversary Q, I thought it would be fun to tie in some Tortuga life trivia with the morning’s beatdown.

Tortuga True or False

A three count after each statement was made, all PAX signaled their True with a thumbs up or their false with a thumbs down. Their answers determined the number of reps for each exercise.

All correct – 25 reps, Most correct – 50, Most wrong – 75, All wrong – 100

3 blockee buy in, winner adds 3 more. They accumulate. First to finish yells, “I feel outstanding!” Everyone stops and goes up and down the ramp. 25 or 50 reps: carry coupon, 75, 100: no coupon.

  1. Tortuga has never been skydiving. False, most wrong, 75 reps

Overhead press

  1. Tortuga has run a marathon in under 3 hours 40 minutes. False, most wrong, 75 reps

One handed rows

  1. Tortuga has been fired from a paying job twice. True, most right, 50 reps

Kb swings

  1. Tortuga’s sister used to work at the Pentagon. False, 50

Goblet squats

  1. Tortuga still has one baby tooth. True, 75

Jump overs

  1. Tortuga doesn’t have his own cell phone. True, 50

derkins

  1. Tortuga did 1000 burpees in a day. True, 25

thrusters

  1. Tortuga repeated first grade. True, 75

Bent over rows

  1. Tortuga has a nephew named after him. True, 50

Weighted lunges

  1. Tortuga has shaved his eyebrows. False, 75

Burpees, or side pulls. We split these between partners, 75 total for two PAX.

Mary: 41 flutter kicks with coupon held straight up, IC.

We finished with a slow cool down jog around the parking lot.

NOR: Panhandle, Noodles, Katniss, Saga, Davinci, Cookies, Banks, Beaker, Shiplap, Tortuga (Q), and Wet Burrito for the NOR/COT/ Coffeteria (with a fractured shoulder)

COT: Beaker has a friend whose dad passed away recently. They had a hard relationship and his friend is settling things in Nevada now. Wet Burrito has had a shoulder fracture since early January. It was just correctly diagnosed yesterday. Panhandle’s father-in-law is in rehab at MarianJoy. Continued prayers for Bloomer and his family as his son undergoes testing.

Flags present: Tarpit, Mastodon

Celebrity Jeopardy

Alex Trebek brought the beatdown today.

F3 Wheaton is as strong mentally as it is physically. Out of 28 questions, 19 were answered correctly and 9 were incorrect, which led the Pax to complete 565 total reps of every exercise, including 100 burpees.

We serendipitously ended right on time, finishing the last question as the buzzer rang.

 

Excellent showing by

Welcome DeadDrop.

Potent Potables

You need this liquor to make a moscow mule

(WHAT IS VODKA)

25

Monkey Humpers

White creme de menthe & this liquor put the sting in a stinger

(WHAT IS BRANDY)

30

Kettle Bell Swings

This scandinavian liquor is made by redistilling alcohol made from grain or potatoes

(WHAT IS AQUAVIT)

20

Burpees

Bitcoin

This word is used to describe the creation of new bitcoin

Mining

10

Big Boy Situps

Are Bitcoin purchases, Pseudonymous, Anonymous, or Publically viewable?

Pseudonymous.

20

Flutter Kicks

Bitcoin lacks fungibility. Define Fungible?

Able to replace or be replaced by another identical item; mutually interchangeable.

20

Burpees

F3 Exicon

The Pickle Pounder

Begin in an elbow plank then alternate hip flexion and extension in cadence.

30

The Pickle Pounder

Rockette Dips

Perform dips with alternating leg kick at the nadir of the dip.

10

Rockette Dips

Mario

Double Box jumps on picnic tables (or stairs)… Jump to seat, jump to tabletop, stand up, walk down.

20

Mario

The office

If you’re doing CPR and the patient dies, what should you do next.

Harvest the Organs

1 min

Plank

When Michael Scott hands a giant check for $340 dollars to a stripper dressed as a nurse. Who is the check made out to?

Science

10

Carolina Dry Docks

What is Dwite’s porcupine named:

Henrietta

25

Merkins

Jack Handy

I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over,

is like the top thing you can do.

40

Chest Press

If Alien was my friend, I’d like to be with him when he went to the dentist.

When they started drilling, he’d probably go nust and start eating everybody. That Alien!

30

Curls

I’d like to be buried indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack above the ground. That way,

You could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.

10

Burpees

Star Wars

In Revenge of the Sith and Attack of the Clones, what color is Yoda’s lightsaber?

Green

20

Shoulder Taps

The planet Endor got it’s name from another famous narrative, what was the name of the narrative?

The Bible. Saul and the witch of Endor.

30

Murder Bunnies

What were Luke’s aunt and uncle’s jobs on Tatooine?

Moisture farmers

10

Scull Crushers

Billionaires

Who is the youngest billionaire listed in the top 10 richest people in the world

Mark Zuckerberg

30

Crunches

This Billionaire is the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway

Warren Buffet

10

Lunges

How did Jeff Bezos respond to a blackmail threat from the national enquirer?

He publicised it.

15

Nipple Scrapers

Desert Fathers

St. John Climacus: Control you appetites before they

Control you

20

Side Straddle Hops

St. Poemen: If man remembered that it is written: “By your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned,” He would choose:

to remain silent

20

Squats

An Old man said, I would rather have a defeat with humility, than

a victory with pride

10

Burpees

Bible Trivia

What is the name of the oldest man in the Bible, and how old did he live to be.

Methusela. 969

30

Bent over Rows

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a

quarrelsome wife.

30

Overhead Press

David’s son Absolom cut his hair once a year and weighed it. How much did it weigh?

200 Shekels (6 pounds)

10

Decline Merkin

535 Total Reps

 

Lightning Round

 

Current U.S. Presidents

The number Ten

Toast

The Pen Is Mightier (Automatic 10 burpees)

S-words and guns (“What is a ‘dum dum bullet’?”, Hollowpoint,  10 Burpees)

Things you shouldn’t put in your mouth

States that end in hampshire (Newhampshire, 10 burpees)

They out here saying

White people

(30 burpees in the lightning round brought today’s total to 565 reps)

 

Santa’s Secret Snack Hunt

Santa needs our help.

Mrs. Clause put Santa on a diet, so now Santa does his snacking at Northside Park (Ho, Ho, Ho.) Santa was not wearing a mask (does the beard not count?) so the COVID police chased him all over Northside park. A fan of action films, Santa tried tossing out his snacks to see if it would distract the cops, but alas, covid cops are vegan.

Now Santa is in the lockup, and there will be no Christmas, period.

Christmas cannot be saved, but it’s killing Santa to think about all those snacks going to waste. I saw Santa during a recent prison ministry visit, and he slipped me a map rolled up inside a twinky. Now it’s up to us to find Santa’s snacks and eat them.

If our group is under 10 on Monday, this will be a leisurely walk in the park. If we are over 10, we will split into teams of 4 for a cut-throat, eat-or-be-eaten snack hunt in the park.

Teams will be allowed to self select around themes:

  1. Fast track/need for speed/everyday-I’m-shuffling
  2. Beat down.
  3. Hold me back: diet accountability group.
  4. Pax just wanna have fun.

Welcome FNG “Beaf Stick”