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Five PAX posted in the gloom on this mild December morning. I had been mulling around Christmas themed ideas for this workout, but nothing seemed good enough to match the creativity that had been on display over the previous week. Instead of creativity, I went for the old-fashioned beatdown. No notes, no specific plan made for an interesting morning of improvisation.

WoR: Motivators IC (7), Windmills IC (10), Tappy Taps IC (9), Arm Circles OYO

Thang #1: Bataan Death march counterclockwise around Lake Ellyn (last PAX in line does 5 burpees then sprints to front of line). Each PAX got two sets of burpees in by the time we made it back to the field.

Thang #2: Improv Session – Line up along the fence. Complete each exercise then sprint to sidewalk and back.
1. Curls for the Girls – 50
2. Overhead Presses – 50
3. Goblet Squats – 50
4. Alternating Block-over Merkins – 20 (one hand on coupon, other on the ground, perform merkin, then switch hands on coupon and repeat. 2 = 1 rep) Bernie rather than sprint after this set.
– at this point the Q asked each PAX for an exercise and rep count (group improv!)
5. Hodors – 40
6. Skull Crushers – 50
7. Big Boi Sit-ups w/ coupon (25)
8. Bonnie Blairs – 25
9. Blockees – 10
10. Thrusters – 25(?)

We finished things off with a mosey/jog clockwise around Lake Ellyn.
NoR: Katniss, Shiplap, Beaker, Noodles, Crack (Q)
CoT: Prayers for Noodles’ travel, Tortuga’s 2.0 (wisdom teeth pulled yesterday), and Crash’s foot pain.

Entering the gloom on a windless day, Ol’ Glory still and limp (a sign of what was too come). Following COVID protocols, the 17 PAX divided into two separate groups of 9 & 8 for the beatdown. Guided by the prophetic words of an ancient proverb whose number and verse rang out like something from a Da Vinci code – 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” It was meant to be, on this day greatness would shine forth before the dawn in the form of 12/17/20!

WoR: 15 Mtn. Man Poopers / 2 nipple scrappers / 15 Tappy Taps / 2 nipple scrappers / 15 Mtn. Climbers / 2 nipple scrappers / OYO Arm Circles w/a few Michael Phelps (Why did I not do 17? Everybody, do two more of each right now!)

THANG 1: 12/17/20 in the form of 12 merkins + 17 bicycle crunches + 20 air squats + increasing burpees, starting at 1 and adding one more at each lamp post (to keep track of how many rounds were completed). Sprinted to each lamp post and started next round. A few PAX hit the MAX REP COUNT of 15 lamp posts = 180 merkins / 255 bicycle crunches / 300 air squats + 120 burpees

THANG 2: We went back in time to recall where we had come from as we moseyed the loop that was previously completed. Moving from lamp post to lamp post mindful of all the good that we had brought into the world.

THANG 3: 5 more rounds of 12/17/20 w/increasing burpees. Started at the base of Hoffa and completed 1 round, then sprinted the hill. Completed round 2 at the top and moseyed back to the base to repeat; mindful of the hill in our day and the reps of life before us. REP COUNT for these 5 rounds = 60 merkins / 85 bicycle crunches / 100 air squats + 15 burpees

TOTAL MAX WORKOUT = 240 merkins / 340 bicycle crunches / 400 air squats + 135 burpees

NoR / CoT: Banks, Da Vinci, Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Panhandle, Wet Burrito, Beaker, Tortuga, Crack, Crash, Beef Stick, Sweet Treats, Big Mac, TBTF, Jolly, Katnis, SAGA (Q)

Prayers for upcoming travel, celebration of Big Mac’s promotion to tenure, and thanksgiving for our bodies to use to serve others…

Moleskin: Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

A new lexicon suggestion from Banks – “The Jolly”: those moments when you are switching from one exercise to another and in place of seamless movement you give yourself a bit of an extra pause, while on your back with your arms spread out in the form of a prostrate prayer position that is saying, “Please stop!”

Great job by many PAX and creativity in recent beatdowns. It made this beatdown much harder to think about. Nevertheless, I decided to bring back an old favorite, 12 Days of Christmas style. The weather was a bit rainy with plenty of puddles. By the end of the beatdown, plenty of ground will have been “pushed”.

WoR: Side Straddle Hops x30, Stretch Center/Right/Left, Malasana Pose, Michael Phelps x30, Little Merkin Boy (Little Drummer Boy – Plank Hold – Merkin on Pa rum pum pum pum. 21 total).

Mosey around AO Mastodon’s short mile and AYG sprint up Hoffa. Moseyed over to Shiplap’s House of Pain, today To Be Known As Santa’s Workshop. PAX spread out on the inside and outside of the Workshop for social distancing.

The Thang – Merkin Hour Part II – PAX to start with Day 1, representing the number of reps for designated Merkin. PAX to then move on to Day 2 plus previous day rep count (Ex: Day 2 = 2 Worst Merkin Ever plus Day 1 = 1 Worst Worst Merkin Ever).

Day 1 – 1 Worst Worst Merkin Ever

Day 2 – 2 Worst Merkin Ever

Day 3 – 3 Diamond Merkins

Day 4 – 4 Hand Release Merkins

Day 5 – 5 Chuck Norris Merkins

Day 6 – 6 Derkins w/ coupon

Day 7 – 7 Ranger Merkins

Day 8 – 8 Werkins

Day 9 – 9 Crucible Merkins

Day 10 – 10 Spider-Man Merkins

Day 11 – 11 Sphinx Merkins

Day 12 – 12 Manmaker Merkins w/ coupon

Shout out to Archive for finishing all 12 Days. Remaining PAX made it to Days 10 & 11.

CoR: Jolly, Jazz Hands, Banks, Da Vinci, K-pop, Crash, Tortuga, Crack, TBTF, Sparrow, Wet Burrito, Archive, Cookies, Katniss, Shiplap, Beaker, Captain Crunch, Noodles (QIC)

CoT: Prayers for health and rest, Prayers for those traveling. Prayers for Crack’s friend battling cancer.

It was raining sideways as the PAX rolled up to the Tar Pit. The only thing standing in-between 7 brave PAX trying to earn their Jackpot was two rainy, wet workouts.

WOR – 35 IC Seal Jacks, coupon carry to the peir, arm circles.

After we picked up the coupon after the warmup we didn’t set it down until COT.

Thang 1: 11s with curls and coupon press. Mosey around the pool house after each round. Once complete the PAX moseyed to the base of the wheel.

Thang 2: 4 stations on each corner of the wheel: First round 20, then 10, then 5
Station 1: High Pulls
Station 2: OH Press
Station 3: Coupons Squats
Station 4: Triceps extensions

Thang 3: Dan Taylors with coupon x 5

Mary: Flutter kicks IC x 20, 15 BBSU, 15 Side Sizzors

NOR: Katniss, Banks, TBTF, Jolly, Shiplap (Q), Tortuga, Archive, Hotbox, Wet Burrito, Big Mac, Rain man,

COT: Praise for a beautiful day, healthy bodies, and supportive PAX.

It was another beautiful morning at AO Mastodon. The sky was clear and the air was still making for a brisk but beautiful workout. 18 PAX (Archive, Captain Crunch, Panhandle, Big Mac, DBC, TBTF, Wet Burrito, Bloomer, Shiplap, Katniss, Beaker, Sparrow, T-Bone, Jolly, Crack, DaVinci, Tortuga, Banks) showed up for what was promised to be a great beatdown to help get everyone in the holiday spirit!

Warm-O-Rama:

• 35x Jumping Seal Claps IC
• 15x Windmills IC

The Thang: 12 Days of Christmas

The premise was to complete a day of Christmas, run to the top of Hoffa and back, and then complete the next day of Christmas along with all of the prior days until you get through all 12!

• Day 1 – 20x Curls
• Day 2 – 20x Tricep Extensions
• Day 3 – 20x Overhead Press
• Day 4 – 20x Murder Bunnies
• Day 5 – 10x Burpees
• Day 6 – 10x Big Boi Situps
• Day 7 – 10x Alternating Shoulder Taps
• Day 8 – 10x Hand Release Merkins
• Day 9 – 20x Goblet Squats
• Day 10 – 10x Nipple Scrapers (a special homage to Saga as he is away for the week)
• Day 11 – 10x Elf on the Shelf
• Day 12 – 20x Blockees

Admittedly YHC was a little ambitious on this one in the allotted time, but the 10 Days of Christmas just doesn’t have the same ring to it! We switched to doing all 12 days for the last few minutes, but most PAX finished day 9 and a few got through day 10.

COR/NOR/COT:

Prayers to finish the week strong and for Crack’s neighbor. It feels great to be back at it consistently with such a great group of HIM there to support!

• PAX – “10” PAX in attendance; 11 under previous counting methodology
• WoR – Motivators x7, Abe Vigotas x15, ballerina toe squats x10, arm circles/chinooks (30 seconds each variation)
• Thang – Hindenburg BLIMPS with the Hightower burpee routine replacing the standard burpee routine. We did the burpees as a PAX and then assigned four corners of the field for the remaining “LIMP” portion of the beatdown. For each exercise we start at one corner and do each exercise (25 reps) at each corner, we moseyed or bear crawled between corners. We eventually eliminated the bear crawl and cut reps to 10 as needed in order to finish the routine on time.
  • B – The Hightower – (in memory of fallen F3 Mrytle Beach HIM/first responder) – 5 burpee variations, 9 reps each
    • Standard Burpees x9
    • Bodybuilders (burpee w plank jack) x9
    • Triple Merkin Burpee (burpee with 3 hand release merkins) x9
    • Triple Jump Squat Burpee (burpee ending w 3 jump squats) x9
    • All together = Triple Merkin, Triple Jump Squat Bodybuilder Burpees – burpee w 3 hand release merkins, plank jack, 3 jump squats) x9 <<– Super Fun!!
  • L – Lunges x25 per corner = 100 total
  • I – Imperial Walkers x25 per corner = 100 total
  • M – Merkins x25 per corner = 100 total
  • P – Plank Jacks x25 per corner = 100 total
  • S – Squats x25 per corner = 100 total
• NoR (11) – Katniss, Noodles, Rain Maker, Tortuga, Jolly, Big Mac, Archive, Wet Burrito, Banks, Shiplap, TBTF
• CoT – prayers for each other and the support and motivation we provide to the PAX as a whole, prayers for health and safety of our families and communities

Tbone, Sparrow, Shiplap, Tortuga, Banks, Jolly, Big Mac, Noodles, Panhandle, Archive, Wet Burrito, Bloomer, Capn’ Crunch, Beaker, Cookies, TBTF, Catniss, Da Vince (Q) materialized for a December 8 ritual burial of the year 2020. Of course we dutifully split into two groups to maintain social distancing protocol.

Warm up: Arm circles and Abe Vagodas in Cadence

Newly invented exercise: Party Burpees (Side Straddle Hop during Party Rock, do a burpee every time you hear “Party Rock,” switch from Side Straddle Hops to Goofballs when you hear “hating is bad”, but keep doing the Burpees at Party Rock).

The Thang: Partner up, break up into two lines. One group runs up the hill, the other runs to the bleacher by the baseball diamond to catch a glimpse of hope for 2021. Meanwhile 2020 is put to rest. Partners perform the following sequence (while other partner runs). If you finish early, help another group finish their reps.

DIG THE GRAVE: 100 grave diggers

SAY YOUR PRAYERS: 200 curls

TEST THE TOMB: 300 derkens

PREPARE TO DIE: 400 LBCs

Conclusion: Lie in corpse pose. Slowly rise to Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve. When beat commences, partners do 20 burpees and 21 burpees to spell 2021.

COT: We are all the way to Theta as we work through the sayings of the desert fathers. This time it’s a mother named Theodora: “As trees do not bear fruit if they do not undergo winter storms and rains, so for us this age is winter. We will not be able to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven other than through many afflictions and temptations.”

Backblast

Ruck Club, 12/7/20, 5:30am, AO Mastodon

Submitted by Tortuga (Q).

Ten PAX posted for a pleasant ruck around the AO.  After a quick set of 50 jumping seal jacks, we split into two groups.  Each group had at least one GPS to track their travels.  The goal was to draw some pictures with their routes that would show up on their Strava mapping.

My group started with an attempt at a turtle.  From there we continued around the AO with four or five other attempts at drawings.  Different PAX led each attempt.  Banks led the big one on the back field.  None of us had a clue what he drew until the map was posted.

We did no extra work.  Walking only.  It was bliss.  Several PAX expressed their hope to knock out a jackedpot this week.

As we gathered by the flag I was pleasantly surprised to see my M and a 2.0 in attendance.  They came at 6:00AM with munchkins to kick off my 51st birthday!  Rock stars!

NOR: Shiplap, Cookies, Sparrow, TBTF, Wet Burrito, Olaf, Captain Crunch, DaVinci, Hot Box, Banks, Jolly, Archive, Katniss, T-bone, Panhandle, Jackie (my M), Tortuga (Q)

COT: Thanks for good friends to ruck with, bodies that work, and a God who loves us.

Tensions were high, in fact there was an unofficial protest against the first officially unofficial annual F3 Collective Olympics in the form of a padlock preventing access to the official intended grounds of the games, so events were moved to the unofficial grounds.

Athletes in attendance: Panhandle, Katniss, Cookies, Tortuga, SAGA, Beaker, Big Mac, Noodles and Rain Man (FNG).

Disclaimer

“No one wins alone, no one loses alone.”

Warmup

7 – motivators.

Batwings

Tapytaps

Slow jog with two sets of 10 burpees – run around lake.

On far side split up into two teams:

Event 1: The ball kick. – Set up two cones a good distance apart.

Choose a rep from each team. They kick the ball,  bear crawl to the other cone. Measure distance from cone. For each pace away from the target cone we do 5 merkins (15 paces, 75 merkins). Kick back, walking lunges back. For each pace away from the target we do 10 air squats. (10 paces, 100 air squats). Whichever team wins gets to celebrate with star jumps, losing team mourns with burpees 5x the difference. 25x burpees or star jumps. Team 2 wins.

Event 2: Bags – 3 rounds

Round 1: See how many we get on the board,5 coupon swings for total points. (No points were scored, so we did 50 swings as penance for our ineptitude.)

Round 2: See how many we get on the board, 5x hodors per point. (Blue scored 2, red scored 1), 15 hodors.

Round 3: See how many we get on board, 1x hill runs per point. (Blue scored 2, red scored 0), 2 hill runs.

Whichever team wins gets to celebrate with star jumps, losing team mourns with burpees 5x the difference. 15x burpees or star jumps. Team 2 wins.

Event 3: Stomp Rocket – Similar to ball kick.

Lunge walk to other cone.

5x bonnie blairs for each one off.

Burpee broad jump back

5x merkins each one off.

Whichever team wins gets to celebrate with star jumps, losing team mourns with burpees 5x the difference. Both were 7 paces away so everyone did 5x of star jumps and burpees and we declared team 1 the winner because, biased judging and closer scores are more exciting.

Final event: Murder Bunny 100 yard dash. Thwarted due to time and blocked off track. We did a rifle carry across the parking lot and back instead. Excitement was so strong that everybody started before the official start was announced. For the first time ever, all 9 athletes were disqualified and no official times or winners were recorded.

While valiant efforts were displayed on all sides, team two was the winner of the first officially unofficial collaborative F3 Olympics.

CoT – Prayer for safety and health in general. Also a safe travels and good family time for SAGA.